Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
People in love make me want to vomit
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
ok first of all what the fuck
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
