he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
