My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
