i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
