so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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