you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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