Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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