I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
