OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
