Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
