Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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