wat bout pragnant strippers??
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
