I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize