Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
false alarm, still single
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