theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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