i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
