I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
