My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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