she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Also, beer. Big fan.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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