And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
