i wish starbucks made bloody marys
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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