I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
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going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
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I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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