You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
