She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize