Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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