It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
