kristin has been a bad kristin
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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