Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
