I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
