he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
