Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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