I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
How naked do you want me to be?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
