I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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