Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
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It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
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He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
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