Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
