I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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