He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
