hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I think I have vodka in my lungs
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
