Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
