a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
not ubering you a puppy
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
