he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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