I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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