i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
