I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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