My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
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If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
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I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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