I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
