I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
