I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
