Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
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The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
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You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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