Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
