Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I lost the right to judge tonight
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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