I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
