i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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