I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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