the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
