one might say we're banned from that church
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Never joke about your clitoris.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
