lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
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