I'm so fucking centered right now
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Randomize
