I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
jump out the window naked night went bad
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