fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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