There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
