I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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